Max Cannon

Hey, Milkman Dan...want me to go get you another cupcake? I made them special just for you. No thanks, Karen. One is probably enough for me. Yeah, you're right. You really shouldn't eat too much sugar. And by 'sugar,' I mean extra-strength laxatives. I bet I put enough in those cupcakes to give an elephant diarrhea. Wow. Good thing I tossed it into the bushes. I think your St. Bernard just ate it.

Lord, it gives me great inspiration knowing that you created man in your own image. Then here's an interesting bit of trivia for you. I originally made the very first humans out of cookie dough. But you know how that goes. I was eating you guys faster than I could make new ones. Kind of puts a new spin on the whole communion wafer thing.

Honey... I can't seem to fall asleep tonight. Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that entire rack of barbeque ribs. Interesting notion, sweetheart. However, I didn't eat the whole rack. In fact, I slyly saved a few of the choicer ones just for you. Ted, please tell me you're not wearing one of your 'pork rib hula skirts' right now. I just washed these sheets this morning. Of course not. There weren't quite enough for that, so I fashioned a scanty rib thong.

I love wakin' up to the moonlight comin' in through my window. *BZZZZT!* At least that's what I pretend the broken liquor store sign across the street is.

I requested two cartons of low fat milk, human. You delivered fourteen. Take it easy. I only charged you for seven. What am I supposed to do with that much milk? The vast majority of it will very probably spoil before I am able to consume it. You can always do what I do when I have rotten milk. And that's to foist it off on unsuspecting rubes. Ha ! Ha! That batch of yours was on the back porch of my house for god knows how long. So...*none* of it is drinkable? Not a chance. It might be sliceable, though.