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Category: Red Meat100 Newsfinger11

Year: 20189 20148 20148 20111 20091 092

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  • golden corn for the old and worn

      Sir, have you seen my milk delivery truck? It's not out in the lot with the other trucks. No, it's not. I sent your truck over to the shop for massive repair work. But my truck is in tip-top condition. Tip-top condition?! The mechanic tells me you removed all the brakes and the master cylinder! I was forced to 'cannibalize' a few parts for some of the vehicle's other systems. You used those parts to rig the headlights with homemade grenade launchers! Well, Sir...it seemed the only humane thing to do, considering that I didn't have any way to stop the darn truck.
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  • mr. darwin's neighborhood

      You know, Karen...I sure am enjoying my new freelance cosmetics testing research. What are you talkin' about, Milkman Dan? I research the safety of beauty products. It's tricky, though. Federal regulations are pretty rigid about animal testing these days. Good! Nobody should be hurtin' little animals. I couldn't agree with you more, young lady. Say, while I'm here...do you and your mom need another bottle or two of milk today? No way. The one you left yesterday tasted like soap. Come on now...are you sure it didn't taste a little more like rosemary-mint exfoliating facial scrub?
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  • leaky humorous waste containment cannister

      Babe...I was thinking of making some sugar cookies. Where do you keep the baking pans? Wouldn't it be easier if I just came down there and showed you where they are? Ha! Nice try, sweetheart. No, you'll just start baking those repulsive coconut wreaths that I can't stand. I'm afraid I'll have to keep you locked in the attic for my own protection until the holidays are over. Hey, Dad...I hate those things, too. Can you let me out of the basement? So you can eat all my beautiful sugar cookies? Not likely, son.
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  • distended humor extruder

      I took my girlfriend campin' this last weekend and we found us a great spot with no other people around. We was asleep in our sleepin' bags under the stars when this guy wakes me up and tells me we gotta leave the camp site or he's callin' the cops on us. That's the last time I got campin' at the cemetery.
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