Max Cannon

I really appreciate you taking time to come for dinner, Dan. My wife has been bugging me to invite you over for six months now. No problem, Ted. Thanks for having me. Nothing like a home cooked meal. You can say that again. Let's head to the dining room and chow down. Sounds good. Can't wait to eat. Remember to breathe through your mouth, otherwise you might involuntarily gag before you can covertly spit each mouthful of that repulsive vegan casserole into your napkin. All set. I've got the extra napkins you handed my in my right pocket, and the plastic baggie in the left. Let's go get this charade over with.

Hey, Ted. I was just wandering by and I thought I smelled a delicious barbeque aroma drifting over from your back yard. I don't think so. Are you sure? I see smoke wafting up over the fence, and I hear fat sizzling. That's probably just the noise and some mist from my lawn sprinklers, Johnny. Oh. So how come you're wearing an oven mitt and holding a big spatula and tongs? Ha! That's my new look. I'm even thinking about accessorizing it with a canvas apron. Nice! Now, if you'll excuse me, John, I have to get back and flip some juicy, prime-cut lawn sprinklers.

Jeez, I just had me the best dream. Maybe it was one'a them psychic omens. I wonder if it'll come true. Naw. There's no way they could get that many chimps in bikinis onto a zeppelin.

So, Doc. Can you help me out or not? No I can't, Ted. this issue is now outside of my legal sanction to practice medicine. Well, what do you suggest I do, then? I'll say it again. I'm not legally authorized to assist you in any way. But you were the one who wrote me a prescription for a medical mustache only three months ago. True. But now with the state 'stache law repealed, you'll have to go back to some sleazy street dealer for grooming wax.

Got this new job workin' for the city parks. I spend the whole day goin' around from place to place, checkin' to see if all them park bathrooms are clean. And the answer is NO. No they ain't.