Max Cannon

Hey...we'll be away for a few days on vacation. Would you mind terribly keeping an eye on things while we're gone? Nothing shall escape Papa Moai's scrutiny. You address a being who can sense a single atom's decay from nine galaxies' distance. I am practically deafened by a constant symphony of intra-molecular hydrogen bonding. Wow. Impressive. Yet, inexplicably, you didn't notice that mound of freshly steaming Rottweiler feces in which you just stepped. Shhh...be very still. I'm using the nerves in my toes to count how many individual bacterium are wriggling around inside it.

Hi. I'm here about the job you advertised in the newspaper for a nighttime stock boy. I see. So, do you have any prior experience as a retail manager? Umm...no, not really. I'm just here about the stock boy job. Can you manage a staff of twenty to forty people? No. Why are you asking me all these questions that don't having anything to do with the damn stock boy job?! I just needed to make sure you weren't after my job. You have no idea of how close you just came to ending up in the trunk of my Hyundai.

Ahh. One last day at the beach before my vacation is officially over. My final chance to savor each and every seaside wonder. *BELLLLLLCH!!* Sweet god. Wish I could keep that seagull carcass aftertaste from coming back up.

I love this time of year. All them colored lights and the smell of toasted nuts and rich spices waftin' through the night air. Weird thing is that it's only June. I must'a hit my head pretty hard on the concrete after tryin' that backflip.

Sorry to have to do this, Karen...but I'm placing you under citizen's arrest for riding your bike on a pedestrian walkway. Nope. I don't think so. 'Cause I'm placin' you under citizen's arrest for bein' publicly intoxicated. Haha. This puts us in kind of a tough spot. We'll just have to settle this little standoff with a full-on jerky eating contest. Luckily, I brought a 12 lb. box of spicy bison strips. Bring it on. I just had my braces tightened today.