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Category: Red Meat100 Newsfinger11

Year: 20221 20148 20148 20111 20091 0100

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  • glutinous gruel for the gaunt
  • glutinous gruel for the gaunt

      Hey, Milkman Dan...want me to go get you another cupcake? I made them special just for you. No thanks, Karen. One is probably enough for me. Yeah, you're right. You really shouldn't eat too much sugar. And by 'sugar,' I mean extra-strength laxatives. I bet I put enough in those cupcakes to give an elephant diarrhea. Wow. Good thing I tossed it into the bushes. I think your St. Bernard just ate it.
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  • quail eggs for the quislings
  • quail eggs for the quislings

      Lord, it gives me great inspiration knowing that you created man in your own image. Then here's an interesting bit of trivia for you. I originally made the very first humans out of cookie dough. But you know how that goes. I was eating you guys faster than I could make new ones. Kind of puts a new spin on the whole communion wafer thing.
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  • forcible foray into fecklessness
  • forcible foray into fecklessness

      Honey... I can't seem to fall asleep tonight. Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that entire rack of barbeque ribs. Interesting notion, sweetheart. However, I didn't eat the whole rack. In fact, I slyly saved a few of the choicer ones just for you. Ted, please tell me you're not wearing one of your 'pork rib hula skirts' right now. I just washed these sheets this morning. Of course not. There weren't quite enough for that, so I fashioned a scanty rib thong.
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  • spittle-specked pulpit of pith
  • spittle-specked pulpit of pith

      I requested two cartons of low fat milk, human. You delivered fourteen. Take it easy. I only charged you for seven. What am I supposed to do with that much milk? The vast majority of it will very probably spoil before I am able to consume it. You can always do what I do when I have rotten milk. And that's to foist it off on unsuspecting rubes. Ha ! Ha! That batch of yours was on the back porch of my house for god knows how long. So...*none* of it is drinkable? Not a chance. It might be sliceable, though.
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