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Comics,
Red Meat
Oct 22, 2013
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Comics,
Red Meat
Nov 5, 2013
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Comics,
Red Meat
Nov 19, 2013
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Comics,
Red Meat
Nov 26, 2013
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Comics,
Red Meat
Dec 3, 2013
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Comics,
Red Meat
Jun 10, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- That was totally fun. I love coming out to this deserted parking lot every night and learnin' how to drive the family car. Glad you're enjoying it. My father did the very same thing for me... years before I was legally old enough to drive, as well. However, take it all with a grain of salt, son. I've rarely ever obeyed a posted speed limit sign, yielded, or even signaled for a turn. They'll teach me that stuff in driver's ed. Maybe. But all you'll remember will be the low budget gore-porn training film trauma.
- Tags: Ted Johnson, Ted's Son
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Comics,
Red Meat
Feb 18, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- So, Doc... you think this painful rash will clear up by itself? That's a relief! That's not even close to what I told you, Ted. Did you say I need to use ointment on it? No. What I said was that your rash will go away if you switch to boxer shorts until it clears up completely. The only problem is that I'm not really a boxer shorts type of guy. Right. So could you at least switch over to a style of thong without glitter-coated string? Seriously? They make them that way?
- Tags: Ted Johnson
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Comics,
Red Meat
Mar 11, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- Let's go, honey. Our reservations are for seven, and they won't hold the table for us. Just let me go grab my purse... hold on a minute. Ted, you are not wearing that scuba suit to Rusty's. Why not...? It's a seafood restaurant! Because I hate it when you dive into their display tank and pull the rubber bands off the lobsters' claws just to watch them fight. I do it for the kids, dear. Our boys need to witness a few gruesome crustacean death bouts to truly respect the ocean's majesty.
- Tags: Ted Johnson, Ted's Wife
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Comics,
Red Meat
Mar 25, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- My mother an' me are gettin' along better these days. There was tensions for a long time between us, but we worked past 'em. Still... I can kinda understand why it's hard for me an' her sometimes. Havin' a fifty-six-year-old stranger just move into your house and start callin' you "Ma" takes some gettin' used to.
- Tags: Bug-Eyed Earl
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Comics,
Red Meat
Jun 3, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- Ted, honey... when your news program is over can you please come help me to move some things out of the hallway? Sure, sweetheart. What is it that you need to move? Well... it looks like a makeshift siege wall fashioned from very heavy cinder blocks. Oh, I built that. Leave it until morning. Even if the kids manage to wriggle free from the zip-ties and break out of the closet, it should hold them off 'til then.
- Tags: Ted Johnson, Ted's Wife
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Comics,
Red Meat
Aug 5, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- Ted, we still haven't come up with a plan for the twins' birthday party next week! I've already got it all taken care of, honey. I booked a group reservation at that new speargun petting zoo by the fairgrounds. The kids just fire at the critter they want to pet and reel it in. You're joking. That's completely inhumane! Not at all... it's catch and release. And it was thirty dollars cheaper than the deluxe Tase 'N' Pet Party Stun-Fun family package.
- Tags: Ted Johnson, Ted's Wife
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Comics,
Red Meat
Dec 9, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- All right, Son... we've got our campsite all set up. Now, let's go and urinate. Do we have to, Dad? It's gotten so bad that I'm afraid to pee anymore. I sympathize, but we really need to mark the perimeter of camp as our territory. And you really think it's gonna repel the bears? I hope so. Otherwise our month-long asparagus diet will have been in vain.
- Tags: Ted Johnson, Ted's Son
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Comics,
Red Meat
Aug 6, 2013
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