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Comics,
Red Meat
May 30, 2017
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By Max Cannon
- Okay, Ted... I've had enough. You can go ahead and untie me now. Sorry, sweet pea. Not until you say the 'safe word.' Darn it. I can't remember what word we agreed on. Heh. Looks like you're out of luck. How's this for a safe word? "I will chew my way through these ropes and feed you chunk by chunk into a food processor." Hmmm... that's more like a 'safe sentence,' but I can accept that.
- Tags: Ted Johnson, Ted's Wife
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Comics,
Red Meat
May 9, 2017
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By Max Cannon
- Spectacular meteor shower... eh, Son? I guess so. I just don't see why we have to wear these goofy-lookin' helmets. The odds of one of them meteors hittin' us are a billion to one. True... but you'll be thankful for the head protection once we drain the rest of this bottle of Kentucky's finest 'meteor juice.'
- Tags: Ted Johnson, Ted's Son
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Comics,
Red Meat
Dec 20, 2016
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By Max Cannon
- Say, Karen... have I ever told you about the time that several coworkers and I got locked in the big freezer over at the dairy? Is that the one where you had to eat your friends? Ha! I guess I did tell you that one. How about the time I accidentally knocked a crate of baby ducks into the yogurt vat? Yep. I've heard all of your dumb, made-up stories. Well, you definitely haven't heard about the time I rescued the kid who'd been trapped in an abandoned well for a whole year and forced to live on a diet of grubs and lichen. Ew, yuck. When did that happen? Oh... in about a year from now.
- Tags: Karen, Milkman Dan
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Comics,
Red Meat
Feb 9, 2016
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By Max Cannon
- I hate this, Milkman Dan. All the other kids tease me because I'm the smallest kid in the third grade. Gosh... that's a tough one for me, little lady. You see, I was always among the biggest, and I fondly recall how much enjoyment I got out of picking on the shrimpy kids. So, surely you can understand that I'm psychologically torn between offering words of comfort and maintaining my dominant rank in the social hierarchy. Tell you what... how about I let you off easy this time with a mild 'Indian Burn'?
- Tags: Karen, Milkman Dan
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Comics,
Red Meat
Dec 23, 2014
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By Max Cannon
- Well, Karen... I finally finished the script I've been writing. It's so heartwarming that no studio will be able to resist it. You wrote a movie? It's prob'ly so dumb nobody'll go see it. Yes, they will, because it's a true story. It's about a heroic milkman who helps a child learn to face life again after a madman dumps a Hefty bag full of spiders on her. It it's true, now come I've never heard about it? Well, for starters... do you realize how hard it is to gather enough spiders to fill an entire thirty gallon trash bag? You're a jerk. I'd be willing to make it into a pickle jar, but that just doesn't seem as cinematically vivid.
- Tags: Karen, Milkman Dan
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Comics,
Red Meat
Jan 12, 2016
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By Max Cannon
- I got a feelin' today is gonna be a way better day than yesterday was. For starters, no laser sights on my center mass and police screamin', "Take that ball gag off the clown and drop the flare gun!"
- Tags: Bug-Eyed Earl