Gotta say... sunset is the best time of all. Them few minutes of magic light that turn the whole city pink and yellow. I wish it could be that way all day long. It'd confuse the heck outta the vampires.
Honey... do you ever wonder what you would do if you found out that you had only one week left to live? Every now and then, I suppose. So what would you do? Get a bat-wing full-back tattoo and have motorcycle sex with whoever is currently playing James Bond. That sounds incredibly specific. Seems like you've put some thought into this. That's only "scenario eight." You couldn't handle one through seven.
All right, Son... we've got our campsite all set up. Now, let's go and urinate. Do we have to, Dad? It's gotten so bad that I'm afraid to pee anymore. I sympathize, but we really need to mark the perimeter of camp as our territory. And you really think it's gonna repel the bears? I hope so. Otherwise our month-long asparagus diet will have been in vain.
Where have you been, Milkman Dan? I haven't seen you around the neighborhood for two weeks. I was down in Mexico studying some classic wrestling moves from the master luchadors. Wrestling...? You? Ha! You probably couldn't even do one single pushup. Nice one, Karen. Lucky for you that you didn't say that in Spanish. I would have had no choice but to school you with a devastating "headscissor takedown."
Sweetheart? I can't remember if I locked the back door or not. Why don't you go check, then? Suppose I go and it's already locked? So? Then you'll have gotten a little exercise and some peace of mind. But if I don't check it,, and a bear gets in — I'll get plenty of exercise having to take it down with my incredible moves. Bears can't turn doorknobs, and you don't have incredible moves. Clearly, you've never seen me go up against a baby panda who's had human arm grafts.
