Okay, Ted... I've had enough. You can go ahead and untie me now. Sorry, sweet pea. Not until you say the 'safe word.' Darn it. I can't remember what word we agreed on. Heh. Looks like you're out of luck. How's this for a safe word? "I will chew my way through these ropes and feed you chunk by chunk into a food processor." Hmmm... that's more like a 'safe sentence,' but I can accept that.
Re: “blurry beacon of bemusement”
I expect the local police have a "This has GOT to be a Bug-eyed Earl call" reaction when Earl has one of his flashes of 'Brilliance'.....