KOFF!! For pete's sake, Ted... you've been coughing your head off all day. Please take a lozenge. I'll be fine, Honey. I just need to get all the phlegm up out of my... KOFF! Gkk! POP! On second thought, I will take one of those lozenges. A staple gun too, if you've got one handy.
Say, champ... what say we head to the front yard and give our brand new gifts a spin? Can't we go try 'em in the back yard instead? Don't tell me you're afraid of what the neighbors will think. I'd say somebody in this room needs to 'man-up' a little. I don't think that all the macho posturing in the world will compensate for two guys wet-nursing life-size plastic baby dolls out in front of the carport on Christmas morning. You won't even care once that battery-op suction pump locks onto your nipple, son.
You seem to be a little down in the dumps, Karen. Things not going so well for you? That guy who was datin' my momma broke up with her, an' now she just sleeps all day long and won't go to work. Hmmm... I know those things can be kind of rought. Maybe I could take you and your mom out to the lake on my new boat for an afternoon. That might cheer you both up. R-really...? You bought a boat? No... not really, Karen. I just made that up. What would really cheer you both up is a real dad who would cherish your mother and love you as if you were his own child. But, statistically, you and your mom have a better chance of being hit by a meteorite. Kind of makes a boat ride on a lake seem pointless, doesn't it?
Hey, Papa Moai. My dad and mom wanted me to come and see if you need a coat, since it's s'posed to be freezing out tonight. Absurb. I require no artificial protection. An interdimensional being like myself is impervious to all the elements. I have basked in the heart of the supernova, and lolled in the subzero of deep space. I guess you'll be okay, then. My parents just thought you looked a little chilly out here in the front yard. No, I'm good.
Say, Karen... have I ever told you about the time that several coworkers and I got locked in the big freezer over at the dairy? Is that the one where you had to eat your friends? Ha! I guess I did tell you that one. How about the time I accidentally knocked a crate of baby ducks into the yogurt vat? Yep. I've heard all of your dumb, made-up stories. Well, you definitely haven't heard about the time I rescued the kid who'd been trapped in an abandoned well for a whole year and forced to live on a diet of grubs and lichen. Ew, yuck. When did that happen? Oh... in about a year from now.
